The Relationship Status

“In a relationship.”

The relationship status is only 3 words

But it’s 3 words that make my heart sink

When it’s you “in a relationship”

With someone that isn’t me

Even though you don’t know that

It could be me…

Engaged.

The relationship status is only 1 word

But it’s one word that could make my heart break

When it’s you “engaged” to someone else

Someone that isn’t me.

It’s the one word that makes me wonder

What I should say, if anything at all…

Happy. One word.

It’s what I want you to be

Even if it’s not “with” me.

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“Loving means wanting the best for him even if it means swallowing the sad reality that the best just isn’t you.”

—Ellen Hopkins

Writing

Writing helps me in just about any situation. There is something about pen and paper that helps me temporarily relieve or strengthen whatever I'm feeling at the time. There's been a lot of stuff on my mind lately, so naturally I've had the urge to write, but I haven't found the inspiration to put what's been on my mind on paper. When times like this come along, I get frustrated. Wanting to write but not being able to is the most frustrating thing in the world.

I have people tell me all the time that I need to wait for the inspiration to come, that it's going to come when I least expect it. I believe that, but sometimes it doesn't come soon enough. And when a week like this comes along where I'm thinking about a whole heck of a lot, I can't afford to wait because everything builds on my brain. So I went looking for something to kick start my brain. I saw that one of my friends had posted on their blog part of a "30 day letter challenge." Now, I epically failed at the 30 day blog challenge, because I hit a road block where I had nothing to say on a topic, so I was kind of leary of the letter challenge. But I Googled it anyway (Google has the answers to everything!) and found this: http://tumblring.net/tumblr-30-day-letter-challenge/

So that's what I'm going to do. Write. But not all of these, and not necessarily one a day, every day. But it's something for me to go to. What I write may end up here. It may not. We'll see what happens.

But for now, my journal and a pen are calling my name.

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,

And the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots,

And the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick;

It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

And the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

-"10 Things I Hate About You" (movie)

Get up and go

I know that it's January 5, 2011. I know that most people had their New Year's resolution all laid out by the time they get to their respective parties on December 31, 2010. I typically have an idea of what I want my resolution to be, but I've never really stuck to them or given them much thought.

Then one of my best friends from elementary school got engaged last year, and is getting married this summer. Granted, I'm not IN said wedding, but a wedding is a wedding, so I'd like to look halfway decent. So I was poking around some websites looking for possibles dresses and found this.

So what's that got to do with a New Year's resolution? Every year I tell myself I want to be healthier. Every year I tell myself I want to lose weight, in a healthy way. Every year I start semi-strong...I say I'll go to the gym, I say I'll walk more place, etc. And every year I fail.

I wouldn't say it's a lack of motivation...most of the time it ends up being a lack of sleep. If I'm going to work out at school, I'd prefer to do it before classes, meetings, work, etc. start, meaning I'm getting up early before classes to give me time to go work out, shower, and get ready for the day. But after 2 or 3 weeks, the schedule is well set it, I'm up to my eyeballs in stuff and staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning, meaning I don't really want to get up at 6am to go work out when I could easily sleep until 8 and still have time to get ready and go to class.

As a result of the previously outlined mayhem of a routine I typically get into, I end up telling myself "Oh, I'll go tomorrow"...everyday.

But that's not going to happen this year. The above picture is my computer background, because it's typically the first thing I'll see every morning when I check my email and grumble about working out and try talking myself out of it. And with the help of my long-distance work out buddy, LaVada (who blogs her progress here to hold herself accountable), I'm going to get up and go dammit. She's already agreed to call and pester me every morning to make sure that I actually get up and go. And this year I've got the motivation: I want to look good for my friends wedding, and I think I want to go skydiving...which has a weight limit.

I'm also hoping that the exercising will give me an outlet for the stress that I know is probably going to build this semester.

I can't guarantee that my eating habits will completely change (meal plans during the week limit my food options, and I can only handle so much Subway), but I can see what kind of cooking I can do on weekends and try to eat healthier in my room.

So here goes. I'm going to get up and go.