...just because

Hey all,

I'm moving my blog over to travelingcollegestudent.wordpress.com. I like that WordPress gives me more options with how my blog looks (or at least it does so far), and several of the blogs that I read are over there. I hope you all continue to follow what I have to say over there!

-Becca

Because I need some sort of plan...

I'm trying not to stress out about not having a plan for my life. Really, I am. As I told an RA candidate earlier today, life never goes as expected and I'm slowly learning to accept that. But, I can't NOT have at least something that resembles a plan, especially when I tell people that I am probably graduating in December, which they immediately follow with "Oh really? What's next for you then?" or "What do you plan on doing with your major?"

That's where I get stuck. I DON'T know what I'm doing next. So I had to assemble some sort of plan of attack so I'd have something to say when people ask. Right now, this is what my plan looks like:

-defend thesis in May

-take a summer class, while working somewhere for money and doing theater stuffs

-study for and take the GRE (opinions: do I take it before it changes in August or after it changes?)

-research/apply for grad school...preferably at WKU or close to home; I can't bring myself to be far away from Nashville just yet...and figure out assistantships or something to pay for grad school

-take 18 hours next semester (internship, capstone, 4 classes-2 online, 2 in person)

-apply for Disney college program for January through May-ish of next year (I REALLY want this to work out. Disney=love. Grunt work and all, I'd love every second of it)

-graduate in December

-hopefully do Disney...if that doesn't work out, then find a job somewhere and make money

-grad school next August?

But then here's another question: I graduate in December, don't I have to start paying off loans 6 months later? How does that work if one plans on going back to school?

Then there's the issue of choosing WHAT to do in grad school: student affairs? Communication (and take nonprofit classes as electives)? Public Administration with an emphasis in nonprofit management (or something of the like)?

Ugh.

Reality

Reality likes to smack me in the face every now and then. When it does strike, it hits hard, and scares the snot out of me when it does.

A few weeks ago (close to a month) I realized that I could potentially graduate in December, assuming everything with my honors thesis goes as planned (plan right now being defend in May, 2 weeks after finals and before my second reader has to go to a conference).

So, I defend my thesis in May. I take an online class during the summer while working, and then take 18 credits in the fall (3 of those credits being an internship, and another 3 being my capstone, which isn't really 3 hours of work). It's entirely possible that of my other 4 classes, I could have only 2 in class classes and have the other 2 online. And BAM. Graduate in December.

December. That's 9 months from now. 9 months from now, I'll be done with college. Actually, that's a like. 9 months from now I'll be dragging towards the last few days before finals, then finals week, THEN I'd graduate. How scary is that?! I'll still be 21, and done, entering the "big kid" world.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'll have a college degree, and I don't know what I want to do with it. I don't know if I want to do grad school anymore. If I do, I don't know if I want to do it the fall after I graduate, or wait and then go back.

I'm going to have to find a job that I can tolerate, until I figure out what I want to do for my career.

I'll have to start paying back all my loans. That's going to suck.

I'll be on my own, out of my parents house. That's just going to be weird. But I know that time is coming.

I don't know what to dooooo. Seriously, traveling for the rest of my life sounds awesome. But that requires money. And you get money from working. But with a job, you only get so much vacation time.

Bah.

My 2012 travel list

So, I'm not holding out hope that I am going to get to go anywhere uber exciting this year. I'll probably be working and taking an online class in the summer, and then working and going to school in the fall, and then probably(hopefully) graduating in December.

With all that in mind, and the impending doom of the end of the world in 2012 (I kid, I kid. I roll my eyes at the people that believe that crap), I've started making my list of places that I would like to go next year, depending on my financial situation.

-Australia and New Zealand

-Mardi Gras

-Back to England for this: http://www.wbstudiotour.co.uk/

-While over The Pond for the previous point, go to Ireland and Amsterdam

-Possibly on a cruise (my mom has group space booked on a ship for Spring Break 2012, but I haven't decided if I'd still do that if I have already graduated)

-Comic Con (possibly...)

That's it for now. I'm sure that I'll add to it as I think of things over the year. I'd really like to win the lottery so that I could just take off after graduation/Christmas/New Years and go travel spontaneously.

The Relationship Status

“In a relationship.”

The relationship status is only 3 words

But it’s 3 words that make my heart sink

When it’s you “in a relationship”

With someone that isn’t me

Even though you don’t know that

It could be me…

Engaged.

The relationship status is only 1 word

But it’s one word that could make my heart break

When it’s you “engaged” to someone else

Someone that isn’t me.

It’s the one word that makes me wonder

What I should say, if anything at all…

Happy. One word.

It’s what I want you to be

Even if it’s not “with” me.

______________________________________

“Loving means wanting the best for him even if it means swallowing the sad reality that the best just isn’t you.”

—Ellen Hopkins

Writing

Writing helps me in just about any situation. There is something about pen and paper that helps me temporarily relieve or strengthen whatever I'm feeling at the time. There's been a lot of stuff on my mind lately, so naturally I've had the urge to write, but I haven't found the inspiration to put what's been on my mind on paper. When times like this come along, I get frustrated. Wanting to write but not being able to is the most frustrating thing in the world.

I have people tell me all the time that I need to wait for the inspiration to come, that it's going to come when I least expect it. I believe that, but sometimes it doesn't come soon enough. And when a week like this comes along where I'm thinking about a whole heck of a lot, I can't afford to wait because everything builds on my brain. So I went looking for something to kick start my brain. I saw that one of my friends had posted on their blog part of a "30 day letter challenge." Now, I epically failed at the 30 day blog challenge, because I hit a road block where I had nothing to say on a topic, so I was kind of leary of the letter challenge. But I Googled it anyway (Google has the answers to everything!) and found this: http://tumblring.net/tumblr-30-day-letter-challenge/

So that's what I'm going to do. Write. But not all of these, and not necessarily one a day, every day. But it's something for me to go to. What I write may end up here. It may not. We'll see what happens.

But for now, my journal and a pen are calling my name.

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,

And the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots,

And the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick;

It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

And the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

-"10 Things I Hate About You" (movie)

Get up and go

I know that it's January 5, 2011. I know that most people had their New Year's resolution all laid out by the time they get to their respective parties on December 31, 2010. I typically have an idea of what I want my resolution to be, but I've never really stuck to them or given them much thought.

Then one of my best friends from elementary school got engaged last year, and is getting married this summer. Granted, I'm not IN said wedding, but a wedding is a wedding, so I'd like to look halfway decent. So I was poking around some websites looking for possibles dresses and found this.

So what's that got to do with a New Year's resolution? Every year I tell myself I want to be healthier. Every year I tell myself I want to lose weight, in a healthy way. Every year I start semi-strong...I say I'll go to the gym, I say I'll walk more place, etc. And every year I fail.

I wouldn't say it's a lack of motivation...most of the time it ends up being a lack of sleep. If I'm going to work out at school, I'd prefer to do it before classes, meetings, work, etc. start, meaning I'm getting up early before classes to give me time to go work out, shower, and get ready for the day. But after 2 or 3 weeks, the schedule is well set it, I'm up to my eyeballs in stuff and staying up until 1 or 2 in the morning, meaning I don't really want to get up at 6am to go work out when I could easily sleep until 8 and still have time to get ready and go to class.

As a result of the previously outlined mayhem of a routine I typically get into, I end up telling myself "Oh, I'll go tomorrow"...everyday.

But that's not going to happen this year. The above picture is my computer background, because it's typically the first thing I'll see every morning when I check my email and grumble about working out and try talking myself out of it. And with the help of my long-distance work out buddy, LaVada (who blogs her progress here to hold herself accountable), I'm going to get up and go dammit. She's already agreed to call and pester me every morning to make sure that I actually get up and go. And this year I've got the motivation: I want to look good for my friends wedding, and I think I want to go skydiving...which has a weight limit.

I'm also hoping that the exercising will give me an outlet for the stress that I know is probably going to build this semester.

I can't guarantee that my eating habits will completely change (meal plans during the week limit my food options, and I can only handle so much Subway), but I can see what kind of cooking I can do on weekends and try to eat healthier in my room.

So here goes. I'm going to get up and go.